And I must be prepared.
I both relish and hate the feeling of wanting to be motivated and prepared. I feel the deadlines weighing down on my body, and I feel like something terrible and great will happen at the same time, making the plates of my mind collide and shift and rub together until The Great Earthquake of 2009 shakes my entire being.
I feel like I'm going to lose someone very soon... and then, I am not sure if I will be sad... or if I will be relieved to have that someone gone. But most likely, it will be both, and the plates will create a rift in my mind.
And I feel like I will let several people down soon... they'll be disappointed in me or they won't want to trust or respect me again. I'm scared that the plates will overlap, and move...
Then I feel like I'm going to be sick, that I might be sick all my life, and I don't know if I fill myself with something to make me well or take away something to make me well. I want to just run until I am out of breath and collapse into the gravel, my hands raw from the landing, rocks embedding themselves into my palms, my cheeks red and my nose cold, my lungs filling quickly with the chilly air of autumn. Then I exhale, and my lips are chapped and red and raw.
I'm scared.
But I'm preparing myself to be even more scared. I'm bolting up the shelves holding my prized possessions, my friends, my knowledge. I'm barricading the doors so that all the bad will stay out of my good life.
However, I forget to bar up the windows...
And I fear that the bad will leak in... somehow...
- Fault Line Meggy
I both relish and hate the feeling of wanting to be motivated and prepared. I feel the deadlines weighing down on my body, and I feel like something terrible and great will happen at the same time, making the plates of my mind collide and shift and rub together until The Great Earthquake of 2009 shakes my entire being.
I feel like I'm going to lose someone very soon... and then, I am not sure if I will be sad... or if I will be relieved to have that someone gone. But most likely, it will be both, and the plates will create a rift in my mind.
And I feel like I will let several people down soon... they'll be disappointed in me or they won't want to trust or respect me again. I'm scared that the plates will overlap, and move...
Then I feel like I'm going to be sick, that I might be sick all my life, and I don't know if I fill myself with something to make me well or take away something to make me well. I want to just run until I am out of breath and collapse into the gravel, my hands raw from the landing, rocks embedding themselves into my palms, my cheeks red and my nose cold, my lungs filling quickly with the chilly air of autumn. Then I exhale, and my lips are chapped and red and raw.
I'm scared.
But I'm preparing myself to be even more scared. I'm bolting up the shelves holding my prized possessions, my friends, my knowledge. I'm barricading the doors so that all the bad will stay out of my good life.
However, I forget to bar up the windows...
And I fear that the bad will leak in... somehow...
- Fault Line Meggy
